Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I want to feel sympathy with United Airlines.
Every time I talk to United employees, they’re unfailingly decent, even entertaining people.
So I’m going to try and look on the bright side of the airline taking things away from passengers last week — things that have long been little perks of the journey.
First, the airline announced it’s removing the Stroopwafel from almost all its flights.
This little waffle/cookie thing used to be a little statement of originality. Indeed, that’s how United positioned it when it launched the Stroopwafel in 2016.
Naturally, passengers began to gnash their teeth and wail to the highest heavens.
One can understand such emotions. One can try to sympathize.
For all I know, these cookies could be so delectable that the Stroopwafel will be forgotten within days.
Until, that is United gets a better deal on yet another cookie.
Moreover, do you remember, oh, at least a few weeks ago when United removed tomato juice from the eager paws of First Class passengers?
There was a vast Twittered outcry then, too.
United reversed its decision. This was followed by, oh, you’ll never divine.
The Stroopwafel wasn’t United’s only interred item in the last few days.
Because First Class flyers deserve their own magazine not to read with the tomato juice they won’t order.
Have you ever seen anyone reading an inflight magazine? Especially someone in First Class.
Don’t First Classists all open their vast laptops and begin tapping away at spreadsheets, lawsuits or merely perusing YouTube videos in which young men attempt to see how many headbutts it takes to knock a wall over?
Those who fear that without an inflight magazine they’ll wither into a pressurized nothing on a United flight shouldn’t despair.
Hemispheres magazine — the one dedicated to the grouchy crouchers in Economy Class — will apparently now contain the best parts of Rhapsody.
It will not, I understand, be renamed Rhapsospheres. The airline surely doesn’t want to give Economy Class types ideas beyond their knee arthritis.
I have it on reasonable authority that when asked to cut costs, there are at least one or two airline employees who do consider customers’ changing behavior.
So I wonder how much the Stroopwafel and Rhapsody will truly be missed.
Or, within weeks, will I be writing that a national outcry has brought them back?